2005-04-13 - 11:45 a.m.
nightmare54 and I have stumbled upon what could possibly the most offensive, obnoxious and lucrative money making scheme that has come down the pike in a long time. And it�s ours. All ours. Ha ha ha. I mean it�s so good you should just give us your money now. Go ahead. Go get your credit card and swipe us a nice big deposit. We�ll wait.
La la la la la. All set? Good:
Since neither Nightmare, nor myself have absolutely any parenting experience or skills, we�ve decided to do the obvious: Yup, give out parenting and child rearing advice in expensive, hard cover book form.
Hell, we could even do the TV talk show circuit. Ca-ching!
Child raising is easy. And I bet writing a book about it is even easier. Hell, I pounded out the forward while surfing for porn and eating Fritos.
Draft Intro:
So you got knocked up, eh? Wonderful. I�m sure your feeble brain is thinking you�re starting on a wonderful and mysterious journey that is one of the toughest as well as one of the most fulfilling experiences any one could think of.
Wrong.
Having kids is probably the easiest thing in the world. It�s no big deal. Every day, all across the world, I bet there are dozens and dozens of children born. Some of them may even be cute. But not yours. Your kids will be ugly and funny looking. Sorry.
It�s not a �grand challenge� to have children. It�s actually the preferred occupation and pastime of welfare moms and illegal aliens. Most high school drop outs are virtual baby factories, so don�t sprain your arm there as you pat yourself on the back.
This book will prove to be an invaluable reference for you as you raise your children. We�ll tell you what others won�t. We�ll boil it down for you in straightforward, easy to understand words. Hell, we might even have some pictures.
Before we delve into the wonderful world of baby rearing, let�s set 3 rules that never, ever should be broken. Namely they are �Where not to bring your kids�
1) Out in public
2) Anywhere even close to my stuff.
3) Michael Jackson�s ranch.
I think I smell a Pulitzer.
Nope, it�s your kids� diaper. Damnit.
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