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Like I care...:
NoGoodDaddy - 2005-04-13 11:51:27
You and your fucking links...
Parenting's not hard, there's just a lot of it to do. You'll have your day soon. MA allows feygs to marry, right? Mrs. Andy will understand that you need to follow your heart (and dick) to another man's cornhole. Then you can adopt a cute lil' Feyg Jr.
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xquzme - 2005-04-13 11:52:30
FIRST! Or maybe not. Because comments hate me. Andy, I'd like to write a chapter. Something along the lines of "Quit REASONING With Your 2-Year Old, Feyg", subchapter "Spanking is NOT Illegal". I also have some pearls of wisdom about teaching your children how to eat something other than cheese and McNuggets.
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Andy - 2005-04-13 11:53:44
Yea, NGD, and your link back your page works wonderfuly. Blow me. but buy my book first.
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Andria - 2005-04-13 11:58:51
Andy, since I am also childless, can I write a chapter? I'll call it "Shaking: it's not just for your martinis anymore".
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Gumphood - 2005-04-13 12:02:13
You forgot. Don't bring them to Catholic Churches.
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Brian - 2005-04-13 12:04:01
You suck.
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Joey - 2005-04-13 12:11:09
Somewhere Dr. Phil is shaking his head and has his hands up in the air right this very minute. Just remember the disclaimer here Andy....."If you use the following tools given to you in this book, your kid will be fucked up for life." And don't forget to add that God just makes babies cute so you won't kill them.
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golfwidow - 2005-04-13 12:11:56
Hurry up and write it before Britney Spears finds her guidance elsewhere.
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Bill - 2005-04-13 12:13:53
Brilliant! Please be sure to include your Super Bowl story as an example of what not to do at an adult party!
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-04-13 12:24:36
I'm all teary-eyed ... I wanna have a baby! No, that's not it ... I just wanna get laid.
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NoGoodDaddy - 2005-04-13 12:29:39
Even though I have one, I do understand that "you people" don't always want them around. We keep our in a cage most of the time to avoid any troubles. It's a lot easier that way.
Andria: I like your shaking reference.
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twobaddogs - 2005-04-13 12:44:29
I wanna write a chapter!! "Don't Bother Childproofing -- You Can Have More"
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Andy - 2005-04-13 12:44:32
Christ NGD, did you read an advance of my third chapter? I mean the cage, that's chapter three.
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Elizabeth - 2005-04-13 12:45:05
Well hell can I write one as well? Maybe How to Neglect your children and make it seem like you aren't. Or something to that effect.
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Andy - 2005-04-13 12:45:43
Everyone gets to write a chapter. See, I told you it was easy.
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-04-13 13:04:31
My Chapter: The Birds and the Bees --How to Get a Disease. (very Dr. Seuss, hm?)
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Bill - 2005-04-13 13:20:25
Do I get a chapter too? Thanks! There are so many things I would like to write about... Things like: - If you insist on putting your child on a leash when you are out in public, really make it work to your advantage - get a skateboard and make the little bastard pull you. You may even want to get a whip and scream 'mush!' when he starts to slow down. - Whenever you want to praise your child, count to ten first. You don't want reward them for every stupid thing they do. - Criticize the child, not the behavior. The kid was stupid enough to make the mistake. He should know that. - Keep changing the rules. Things change in life all the time, so why shouldn't your rules? Praise little Timmy today for setting the table, then tomorrow tell him that only women should do housework and call him a little girl (as added punishment, dress him in a pink shirt and get him a vanilla scented oil massage.) Don't give your child a false sense of security. He isn't really safe, and he should know that. At any second, he could die. Or you could die. Life's a bitch. Get over it. Man, I have way too many great parenting tips to share... My kids are going to be so lucky!
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BigPimpinMBA - 2005-04-13 13:22:27
Andy... That was friggin hysterical. I think Andria definitely had the line of the day with her shaking comment. Joey- As my 11 month old daughter sat there screaming at me last night, I actually used the "It's lucky you're cute" line.
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Wombat - 2005-04-13 13:23:30
Andy, don't listen to the ignorany masses. All the parents giving birth in the 60's and 70's bought Doctor Spock's book and he never had kids either.
Can I write the chapter about babysitting? I already have the title: "Why bay a sitter? Nickleodeon is 24-7."
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warcrygirl - 2005-04-13 13:27:32
Or you could just get this guy's book.
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Incredipete - 2005-04-13 13:50:09
The best way to prevent pregnancy would be to air a natural childbirth uncensored on primetime.
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NoGoodDaddy - 2005-04-13 13:57:01
Andy...send me your email address. There's a picture of my cutiepie in a dog cage in it for you. And my kid is very cute...and lucky to be so.
DYFS is coming...DYFS is coming...
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Andy - 2005-04-13 14:03:35
You can reach me at [email protected]
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Savannah - 2005-04-13 14:12:33
Brilliant, my good man! I'd want to write a chapter, though, something about how the number of children people have tends to be inversely proportional to their IQ.
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Nightmare - 2005-04-13 14:32:25
We reall need to work on your HTML so people can find me.
And yes I belive all of the people contributing is an excellent idea because as the old africian proverb states "it takes a whole village to raise a child"
We would just need to update that to read "it takes a whole village full of idiots to rasie a child"
My personal chapter is is entitled "Safety Features...Who needs them?" Or "Scars are the living book of Childhood"
This would deal with all of the fun stuff they have taken away from us on playgrounds, shopping centers and toys.
Chocking hazards? what is that? if it is small enough to fit in a kids mouth, AND he chokes...don't blame the toy, blame your lack of attention. If you aren't watching the kids closly enough and he/she dires while chocking on a plactic army man...God is telling you "NO! Bad Parent! Try again in 9 months!" That is why humans have the ability to breed like rats, we have too due to the stupid nature of our kids. and if you are too dumb to use a condom, or the pill, then you will prolly be too dumb raise a kid. So God will just go ahead and grant you that abortion in God's way, even if it is 6 years out of the womb.
So does anyone know a good publisher?
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Nightmare - 2005-04-13 14:34:15
Wow I need spell check badly! chocking. dies not dires, plastic, My mind works faster then I can type!!
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NoGoodDaddy - 2005-04-13 15:39:38
Not to break the mood here, but it really is funny how much of what's being said is actually true. We, at the NoGoodHouse, are of the opinion that a lot of parents are lazy shitfaces. They don't want to claim responsibility for their actions and expect their kids to be raised by the proverbial village. But, it IS, and always is, the responsibility of the parents to properly raise their kids. If you don't fall off of a jungle gym onto your head, how the hell are you going to learn not to climb things? We look at the shit that is peddled for kids and we get mad. There are no decent toys anymore. We're constantly wishing that our younger siblings didn't smash everything we ever owned because the sharpest/hardest toy sold these days is a pillow. Too many weenies have interjected themselves into raising other people's kids. I mean, were any of these people EVER children themselves?
Ugh...I'm slightly annoyed right now as I picture all the crap we have in our house and how little fun it is.
Another rant...anyone who reads me knows that our house won't sell because we have a creek in the backyard. People with kids say it's not safe. I have an idea, people: How about you teach your kids not to go in the fucking thing? We did it. We have a 3 year old, one who is very curious, who won't go within 10 feet of the thing without holding our hand. It's NOT HARD TO BE A PARENT!!!!! But no.....everybody wants to blame someone else and not take responsibility.
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NoGoodDaddy - 2005-04-13 15:46:29
Should I post the picture?
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Andy - 2005-04-13 16:12:30
Yes.
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-04-13 16:24:10
All you have to do to keep the kid out of the creek, away from stuff, etc., is tell the little angel that a big bad mean monster lives there [in the creek, closet, car] and it will eat off all the child's fingers and toes ... Oh sure, there'll be a few screaming nightmares, but mission accomplished. Split your savings between college funds and future psychotherapy.
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Andy - 2005-04-13 16:27:26
reminds me of the Arrested Development Scenes where the dad hires a one armed guy to scare the kids into behaving correctly.
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Bill - 2005-04-13 16:44:15
I loves me the Arrested Development. I hope that show doesn't get cancelled.
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Nightmare - 2005-04-13 17:08:25
I AGREE
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cloudy - 2005-04-13 17:41:13
I would totally buy that book for $24.99 and I don't even have kids.
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DanjerusKurves - 2005-04-13 17:52:22
I happen to be close personal friends with one of the multiple authors ... I can get you two copies for only $75.39
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xquzme - 2005-04-14 11:27:22
Hear Hear. What... everyone said. Are we just a pocket of sanity in and insane world? Are there more out there like us? I would raise a kid with ANY of you. NGD you get my GoodDaddy of the Year Award. It's a martini glass with your kid's picture on the side. (P.S. POST THE PICTURE!)
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warcrygirl - 2005-04-14 11:46:26
Quite frankly I DON'T think it takes a village to raise a child; all it takes are two parents who give a rat's ass. Do not presume you can do my job better than I can, thankyouverymuch.
Fucking feel-good Liberals... ;)
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pregnant teens horse porn - 2005-12-29 20:40:24
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crystal flowers - 2005-12-31 06:41:26
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As if I care. :
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