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2005-10-14 - 11:09 a.m.

I�m sick.

It feels like someone shoved an ice cold steel rod down my spine.

I got chills, (they're multiplyin').

Update: since beginning to write this, the chills have turned to fever.

Every muscle in my pudgy body aches.

My eyes are burning and watering.

I think I may have avian bird flu.

I'm getting woozy.

Pray for me.

Send cash donations, pics of boobies, liquor.

Please help. Wont you?


Speaking of deathly ill, I think one of my co-workers is also very, very, very sick.

It�s the only way to explain the horrid stench that has permeated the men�s room for the past week.

It�s apparent to me, that from the degree of this wretched stench, it can only mean one thing: One of my co-workers is rotting from the inside-out.

There is absolutely no way that a human being,- or anything on God�s green earth for that matter- could expel such a foul, horrid odor, and not be decaying inside.

After a week of this horrendous, evil smell, I can only assume (and hope) the mystery shitter from hell must be close to death, and this odor will leave us when he expires.

A colleague of mine, who has also experienced this smell from hell, has offered up the theory that something could have crawled up inside of someone�s asshole and died.

Interesting. I admit, a very interesting theory.

However, I am pretty sure that Richard Gere doesn�t work here, so I�m ruling out the �decaying, gerbil in the anus� theory, and sticking with the �rotting from the inside-out� theory.


The smell is so bad you must close your mouth before you go into the men�s room, otherwise, you will be able to taste it.

Yes, taste it.

It�s not often that one can describe a shit smell so bad that the words �Chewy� and �Sticky� come immediately to mind. But, there you have it. A shitty, sticky, chewey stink so bad you think you should call in either a Haz-Mat team or CSI.

The air is thick and oily in the men's room, so heavy with this poor rotting souls scent, you feel the need to bathe after walking into the room. It clings to you. It gets into your clothes, and in your hair.


Walking out of the room, you know you have carried the stench with you; you can almost see the stink wafting around you, forcing you to walk around flapping your shirt open, waving your arms, in some retarded attempt to �air out�.

Unfortunately my own illness has not affected my sinuses, so even though I know I am on deaths door step with the flu, and will probably collapse from a high fever at any moment, I can still fully experience the complete horror of this mystery shitters stink.

I could very well be the last sensation I expereince before collapsing and dying from avain bird flu.

I need to go home.

Cash Out - Another Round

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