2005-10-06 - 9:45 a.m.
Well, I am still trying to be exceptionally nice and pious this week. You know, that whole eternal soul and damnation thing I mentioned yesterday.
But after talking with my lovely wife, and reading some very thought provoking e-mails from d-land folks, it seems I may have misunderstood a few things and shockingly, in my entry the other day, there are a few errors that I should correct, as well as a few things that maybe I should retract.
For instance:
I shouldn�t have presumed the driver of the car that blocked the entire gas station was female.
My lovely wife, and I guess many of you, considered it to be somewhat sexist.
I had considered it to be observant. - A good diarist uses adjectives to allow the reader to visualize the scene.
Huh.
You say Tomato. I say stupid women drivers with firm perky boobs.
Anyhow, that was wrong of me. I apologize. Let�s not argue. Ok?
Great.
See? I can be the bigger man. Next time a woman parks her car in a manner that is reminiscent of a poorly executed pit stop at Talladega, I won�t scream out some sexist slur.
No. I�ll politely flip you a non gender biased finger and simply leave it at that, firm perky boobs or not. Ok?
I should also acknowledge, that referring to G-d as �the big guy� in my entry may not have been seen as very respectful. I guess referring to the Supreme Being in a style that is reminiscent of Herb Tarlek from just the biggest smash, break out comedy of 1978: �WRKP in Cincinnati� may not have been a good idea. Especially so during one of the most solemn weeks of the year. Sorry. Poor judgment on my part.
I�d also like to thank you all for you kind letters you e-mailed me pointing that out to me.
Thank you.
I do ask that those that do write me wonderful notes, to please leave my mother, her marital status during my birth, and the size of my penis out of your comments.
Those that took the time to thoughtfully included pictures of their bosoms: Thank you.
I should also state for those not familiar with the Jewish faith, that making an analogy between Santa Clause and G-d was also out of line. Rosh Hashanah has nothing to do with Santa Clause. Not a thing. Nada. Zip. It's a common mistake.
Sorry again. To avoid being insensitive, I will save my Santa Clause Jokes for Easter.
You know, I was working on a really good �How Spiderman is just like G-d� analogy, that would completely and clearly explain the nature of religion, G-d, and man�s mortal plight and struggle, but my wife has also pointed out that it may be best to let that line of thought just disappear and stay away form comparing G-d to superheroes, at least for a week.
Fine.
Additionally no, despite what I wrote, my wife has also pointed out to me, we did not sing �Santa Clause Is Coming to Town� in the synagogue this past Monday. I may not have the best command of the Hebrew language, so I am sure that you can understand that it was an honest mistake.
Anyhow, this �being good thing� is tougher than it sounds, and you idiots aren't making it any damn easier for me. Especially the PERSON who was driving down Rt 495 and putting their make-up on while driving.
You know, I could write something here that some would consider sexist, but I won�t.
Hell, for all I know it wasn�t even a woman driving the car. Who knows? It could have very easily been Incredipete.
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