2005-10-05 - 2:57 p.m.

Today, I could not get gas at the gas station.

Why you ask? Why Andy?

Well, I'll tell you. Because some retard parked their god damn, mother fuckin’ piece o’ shit car across the god damn’ lot preventing anyone from pulling into the area where the…the um, gas thingies are, um…you know…gas pumps. Yes. Gas Pumps. That’s what I call them.

Gas pumps. (English Mother fucker, do you speak it? )

The nimrod blocked the gas pumps and I could not pull up to the gas pumps.

Bastard.

I was even more shocked when the driver came out of the store, complete with a fistful of lottery tickets and a big gulp, and to my surprise the driver was a man.

Huh.

I would have thought otherwise because parking is usually not a problem for us guys.

Anyhow, as the shithead motorist left the store with his lottery tickets and coffee and sauntered over to his car, I had to fight the overwhelming urge to give him a lecture on the difference between parking a car and abandoning a car.

I wanted to kindly and gently explain to him the proper way to park the car. But I didn’t.

I couldn’t

I can’t.

I have to be good.

It’s the beginning of the Jewish New Year, (Rosh Hashanah for all you godless pagans). Now, as some of you may know, I converted a few years ago. So even though I am new to all this and still learning, I think I have a pretty damn good understanding of the whole religion thing.

It's my understanding that according to club rules, it’s during this week that the big man writes in his book how the rest of the year is going to go based on this week.

You know; who gets to live and who dies. Who wins the lottery and who is poor, who finds love with a Victoria Secrets Super Model and who has to go home with her fat, smelly friend.

It’s all in the bible, you heathens. Look it up.

It’s kinda like a Santa Clause thing, you know, the whole “He’s making a list and checking it twice…” deal. .

Actually, now that I think about it. I think we sang that song yesterday at the synagogue. Oh, sure it was in Hebrew, but I could tell it was the same song.

Anyhow, I need to be good this week, so I get good marks and a decent review, and then I can cruise through the year.

It’s a pretty sweet deal we Jews have. If I can be good for one week, I can coast the rest of the year. Not too bad, huh? Not like all you other suckers who have to be good for the entire year.

Ha. Losers.

You know, other than that whole slicing your penis thing, it’s a pretty cool religion.

But don’t bother me. I’m too busy being good.

Cash Out - Another Round