2005-09-19 - 3:05 p.m.
I’ve had a great summer. It’s been filled with concerts and sporting events, cookouts and drunken orgies. I’d love to tell you all about it, but I’m busy. I’m behind the gun. Halloween is coming in a few short weeks and I have to focus 100% on it. I need several dedicated weeks to prepare for Halloween.
I love Halloween.
Except for the year my cat chewed my face off, Click here to go to read it
Damn it, the link isn't working. Cut n paste this skippy:
http://rickscafe.diaryland.com/040929_80.html
Anyhow despite the intense pain and permanent scarring from that incident, I still love Halloween.
Not to brag, but for the past 7 years, my lovely wife and I have hosted the greatest, adult Halloween party in the history of the modern world. It’s officially called: Pumpkinpalooza. (The name is mine. Steal it and I will come to your house and rip your lungs out, Jack).
Pumpkinpalooza is an adult only pumpkin carving contest. Each year it get’s bigger, better, Drunkerer.
Yes, liquor is involved. Much liquor.
And nothing goes better with liquor than a bunch of sharp pointy carving knifes. Liquor, knives and about 60 drunken adults in my garage and you’ve got the makings of a decent party. Toss in some Jell-O shots, a plastic cauldron filled with Ron Rico and some dry ice and things really begin to rock. Hell, you may even see boobies.
Granted they’re 40 something year old boobies. But Boobies never the less. If they’re scary boobies, oh well. After all, it is Halloween and if some drunk bimbo in my garage has an overwhelming desire to show off her floppy fun bags then so be it. Who am I to stop the fun?
Anyhow, the party, Pumpkinpalooza….
Knock on wood no one has ever been significantly hurt by sharp pointy carving knives yet. But there’s always this year. So far, the worst injury has been when I backed into the fog machine and burnt my leg. Yea. I got a nice sized burn the size of a quarter scarred forever onto my calf now. Ah Pumkinpalooza!
The house has held up pretty good and no major structural damage has ever been done. Of course there was the year I tossed a few bottle rockets into my woodstove to see what would happen. Guess what? Bottle Rockets do not shoot up and out the chimney a-la cartoon style as any reasonable adult would expect. Surprisingly they scream out the stove’s front door and burn your new coffee table.
Yea, I was just as amazed.
(Note to my lovely wife: if it’s 2:00 a.m. and I’m drunk and sitting in front of the woodstove, do not let Mike give me bottle rockets. I cannot be trusted. I know this. You know this. I will no be held responsible for my actions.)
I think the best thing about Pumpkinpallooza is the decorations. I tend to go over the top in this department. It all started one year when I was between contracts (That’s consultant speak for unemployed) and had some free time. So I did what any resourceful out of work consultant would do. I made Halloween props. Yup.
Guillotines, electric chairs, life sized mummies, grave yards, monsters, you name it, I made it.
Additionally I’ve got several thousand dollars invested in other decorations: Skulls, skeletons, severed heads, lighting, bar ware, pictures, music and fog machines I’ve got bats, cats and rats. Ton’s of vampires and ghosts, witches and zombies. Blood soaked walls, cobwebs and spiders are just a few of my favorite things….
Pumpkinpalooza isn’t a party. It’s an event. It’s a happening. It’s a drunken orgy of extremely stupid people trying to carve jack o lanterns for prizes. I need to make invitations, buy prizes, stock the bar, and mentally prepare to see aging sagging boobies.
I just hope Grandma doesn’t come this year.
Anyhow, dear sweet diary land, I am still here and I hope you are all doing well.
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