2005-05-11 - 11:52 a.m.
I’ve got a lot of stuff to do around the house, and quite a few errands to get done and not enough time to get it all done.
So like most hard working Americans, I plan on taking a long lunch and heading out to the mall and hardware store.
IMPORTANT NOTE : To the D-Lander that I recently discovered works in the same facility as me: I Wont be taking a long lunch today. Absolutely not. I’ll be tied up in meetings all afternoon and if anyone is looking for me, do not look for me at Home Depot. Because I defiantly won’t be there. So don’t even bother to even consider that.
See? I will even leave a half eaten pack of cookies on my desk, to give the impression that I just stepped out and will be back any minute. Yup, any minute now.
Anyhow, perhaps after my lunchtime shopping I’ll require a beer.
And on a completely unrelated note….
Lately, like many of you, I’ve found myself very concerned with the financial stability of “Exotic Dancers”.
Have you ever taken a moment out of your busy life and wondered just how inflation affects strippers? I mean, you give ‘em a dollar and they dance in front of you. But let’s face it; a buck isn’t what it used to be.
My first adventure at a strip joint was in 1985. It was, -surprisingly- sheer moments after I turned 21, I inexplicably found myself sitting in the front row of a run down strip joint, wide eyed with a fistful of dollar bills and next to me, what could be considered quite possibly, the worlds most expensive Budweiser.
How can a completely naked dancing chic costs only a dollar, but a cheap, fully clothed American beer costs $7.50? It boggled my young, testosterone fueled mind.
Back then you gave $1 to the “dancer”. It’s 20 years later and those poor, young girls are still only getting $1. As far as I can tell, you’re still getting the same quality viewing time, and thanks to some pretty wonderful advancement in plastic surgery, (and rash creams), I believe the quality of the nakedness has also gone significantly up.
But yet, they still get only a dollar.
It’s sad. Wont’ someone think of the strippers?
Please? I think they need more money.
But I’ll be damned if I’m about to slip a $5 bill in their garter. That’s too much. I recall once I accidentally gave a stripper a $10 bill, thinking it was a $1. She was thrilled, and kept dancing in front of me thinking they’d be more to follow. She was very disappointed when they didn’t.
And I am not stupid enough to ask for change from a stripper. Yea, kids try that and see where it gets you.
I just sat there like an idiot staring at my $10 bill, deftly tucked into her G-string. I paid no mind to the taunt and curvaceous flesh being gratuitously displayed in front of me. I just sat their dumbstruck….watching my $10 bill gyrate to the tunes of Def Leopard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
“Bub bye $10 bill it was nice knowing you”. I said to myself. Christ, I’m such a moron. That $ 10 was supposed to last me at least another half an hour.
Oh…another handy strip club tip: Don’t use loose change.
And Rolled coins are worse. Much worse.
You’ll get some pretty concerned looks from the dancers (and Bubba the Bouncer) if you enthusiastically hold up a roll of quarters and try to beckon the dancers over to you.
Anyhow, if anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be in meetings all afternoon.
Anyone got change for a $20?
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