2005-05-03 - 2:15 p.m.

I’m pissed.

I got a new boss today.

Or rather, someone who thinks they’re my boss.

You see, I work for a faceless, nameless consulting company that hires people out to various companies and institutions.

This consulting company doesn’t do anything for me. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

They don’t provide any benefits. They never invite to their fancy swanky corporate parties. In fact, I’ve never even met them. This whole deal was set up over the phone. They simply found me the job, and ever since, they take about 45% of the gross pay each and every week. Other than that, they ignore me. I don’t think they even know what I do.

So, in a nutshell: they suck. I hate them.

But that’s not what’s pissing me off today.

Today I am annoyed because my new “Boss” lets call her “Lindsey, the Cock Sucking Corporate Whore”, (LCSCW) sent me a memo introducing herself. She referred to herself as the new manager and me as a “contractor”

You see, I don’t wannabe a “Contractor.” I wannabe a “Consultant”.

“Consultant” brings to mind a professional specialist hired to facilitate organizational change and/or provides subject matter expertise on technical, functional and business topics during development or implementation.

Neat-o.

While contractor implies I’m a guy named “Bud” who fixes your septic tank.

Now don’t get me wrong. I think contractors are wonderful people.

I’m sure many of them do not smell like a septic tank. I bet some of them aren’t even named “Bud”. Many are probably named Gus.

But “Consultants” have nice cloths and play golf. (I don’t play golf. However, at one time, several years ago at a corporate picnic I did win at frolf, which as we all know, is Frisbee-golf and for all practical reasons, is exactly the same in every way as your more traditional “golf”…except you don’t dress as gay.)

Contractors may, or may not eat their own boogers.

Also, It’s been my experience that if people ask me what I do and I use the word “contractor” They spit on me.

Okay, that’s not true. They usually ask me how deep a septic system leach field should be.

“Why, a minimum depth of 3 feet (l-m) of permeable native soil, of course.” I reply.

And then they spit on me.

However, if I tell them “I’m a consultant”, people don’t immediately wash their hands after shaking mine. In fact, they ask me pointed and interesting questions, to which I make up fantastic and impressive lies about.

So I think I’d rather be a consultant, thank you very much.

And if you are a contractor, forgive me, I didn’t mean to insult you. That’s not the type of person I am.

Mental Note: Remind me to put a picture of something shiny at the top of this entry to distract any contractors who may be reading this, and avoid pissing them off, tracking me down, and then killing me. Only after, of course, they got done ass raping me.

Because let’s face it, all contractors are flaming ass rapers.

LOOK! Picture of a bright shiny thing on top of the page.

-Whew-

Cash Out - Another Round