2005-03-15 - 3:37 p.m.

My retired parents spend the winter in Florida. My brother usually watches their house, but since I needed to borrow a few things from my folks, I told him I'd handle the house chores last night.

Upon entering my folk's home, my lovely wife and I were overtaken by the not so pleasant odor of dead fish.

Gag

It seems one of the larger fish in my dads aquarium decided to kick the proverbial bucket.

He was floating on top of the tank as dead fish are known to do. The other fish pretended not to care, but I could see a few were a bit freaked out by the whole thing...Shhhh. It's okay little fishies.

Stinky, as I decided to call him, was a good fish, and I gave him a proper send off.

"Bub-By, Stinky!"

Flush.

My lovely wife and I then proceeded to drink all my parent's liquor and have wild monkey sex on top of their dinning room table.

Stinky would have wanted it that way.

After the funeral services, some of our close friends joined us at the local pub to pay tribute to the deceased. We ordered fish and chips, and drank heavily.

My friend Mike and I also invented a new bar game. I guess it's not really a bar game, as you could play it anywhere, but since we spend the vast majority of our disposable income and free time in search of the quinisenttial bar, we decided to call it a bar game.

Cause, you know, we're a bunch of drunks.

Anyhow, the new game is called "How Dumb is Your Wife?"

Our wives really are not on board with the name yet, but they're good sports and play along, Mostly because there's drinking and gambling involved. Also, I had the car keys, so that helped too.

In a nut shell, "How Dumb is Your Wife?" is a trivia game where your opponent thinks up a very simple question that most 3 years old would know, and we bet money if our wives can answer the question.

Now, let me state that our wives are actually pretty smart. They are both college educated and hold very respectable, technical positions. But like all spouses, they can be pretty dim witted on some common sense stuff. Hell, they married the likes of Mike and me.

I was expecting to win a lot of money last night, as Mike's wife, after a few cosmopolitans can give you the impression she just fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Hell, if I win enough money tonight, I'll even spring for a replacement Stinky. Dad will never have to know that his beloved fish is went swimming with the Tidy Bowl man.

Unfortunately, I did not win a lot of money. I did not win any money. When It comes to playing "How Dumb is Your Wife?", my lovely wife is a champ, and it cost me dearly.

My wife choked on such questions as:

"Without looking, what color shirt are you wearing?"

"In your neighborhood, what direction does the sun rise?"

The kicker was when Mike, knowing my wife's favorite movie star is Mel Gibson; bet me that my wife couldn't name 3 of his movies.

I gladly accepted the bet and we asked my wife to name 3 Mel Gibson movies. Her answer?

Lethal Weapon 1 and Lethal Weapon 3. And then she was stumped.

For the life of her, she could not come up with another Mel Gibson movie. She sat there for long minutes searching her brain for the name of another Mel Gibson flick. She had the same expression on her face as the Stinky did, just before he swirled away to meet his maker. Good lord.

God bless you Stinky

Cash Out - Another Round