2005-01-20 - 3:31 p.m.

I spent the entire morning at the Doctors office. It was time for my 40 year check up. Yippee.

All in all it went well. Actually it was all very annoying. I spent the entire morning off from work, without pay, waiting for a doctor to take my blood pressure, listen to my heart and fawn over my incredible penis. I’m getting so tired of that.

I noticed while waiting in the exam room there weren’t any good toys to play with either. Strange... All of the other times I have been, there have a bunch of little gadgets left out to pass the time: blood pressure cuffs, ear scope thingies, speculums and neat bendy lights to play with and pass the time. I usually pretend that I am Dr. Hawkeye Pierce.

However, this time they all seemed to be put away and securely locked up. How very odd. I wonder if it has any thing to do with the last time I was there and accidentally broke a defibrillator that was just “sitting there.” Huh. Go figure.

I passed the time reading out of date magazines, wondering if I would be getting the cold finger probe of Uranus, and looking for any errant prescription drugs on the floor that might have accidentally been dropped. Hey, finders keepers.

Finally, after 45 minutes my doctor comes in. I have a women doctor. I’m cool with that. Actually, I am more than cool with it.

She’s about 28 years old, 5’ 8” with long, flowing red hear, deep green eyes, full pouty lips, and ta-tas that could induce a coma. She wants me. I can tell.

She puts her golf clubs in the corner, and begins the exam.

“You are the most physically fit specimen of man I have ever seen” She breathlessly declared as she undressed me. She spends just a little bit too much time examining my lower regions. I feel cheap. But still, I must admit I like it.

“What ever it is you do, just keep doing it”. She moaned seductively into my ear as her delicate fingers danced across my broad, manly chest. Her hair smelled of lilac.

“Well, Doc. I smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish, and eat steak every night. I thought for sure you get on my case about all that”

“Listen, a man of your advanced years should enjoy every moment he has, and not worry about the occasional vice.” She smiled back at me.

“I’m 40”

“Good fucking lord! You’re only 40?!?!” She dropped her clipboard in shock. “Get to the Lab immediately…Stat!”

Damnit.

And so I spent the rest of the morning at the lab having “blood work” done.

While sitting in the lab waiting room, my lovely wife called to find out how things were going.

“The Doctor says I have the largest penis she has ever seen!” I proudly announced into the cell phone.

The extremely attractive lady sitting next to me spits out her coffee and gives me a long, curious look over.

I wink at her. She smiles and re-adjusts her self in her seat. She too, wants me.

My wife knowing the real truth, laughs so hard into the phone, it sounded like she would toss a lung. “What, is there some cute thing sitting next to you?” My wife knows me all too well.

Stupid wife.

Damn stupid small penis.

Damn stupid doctor’s office. I can’t wait to leave so I can have a smoke and see what the blue pill I found on the examining room floor does.

Cash Out - Another Round