2005-01-18 - 11:52 a.m.
I survived my Florida vacation, the weather was abso-fucking-lutley fantastic: 80 sunny degrees every day. However, today I sit just a few miles outside of Boston, where it is an insanely negative 2 degrees outside.
Negative 2.
Blow me, Mother Nature. Blow me.
It is so cold in MA right now, local news stations are warning of farts freezing to people’s asses. It is an extremely dangerous situation. The farts could snap off and cause severe rectum damage.
….Rectum? Damn neared killed em! (Sorry, it’s a reflex action).
Additionally, the odor of melting flatulence is not pleasant.
But I digress…
My friends finished the Disney marathon with exceptionally respectable times and we spent the rest of the week celebrating, acting like idiots and generally having a great time.
Much to my lovely wife’s disappointment (and my unabashed, shameless joy,) “It’s a Small World” was closed for renovations. Thank god for small miracles.
I also held true to my resolution not to purchase anything with a mouse logo on it. I only wish my lovely wife could say as much. She had to use an extra suitcase to haul her Mickey Mouse themed crap home. We are talking about shirts, sweaters, photo albums, watches, hats, kitchen ware and her piece de resistance: A 12” inch, jumbo Tigger Pez dispenser.
Yes, she bought a Pez dispenser the size of John Holmes wang. She keeps it by our bed, on her nightstand. I have to say, it’s a bit unnerving and I am starting to get a bit jealous. On the plus size, it does dispense yummy candy. So, like most men, I am torn.
We attempted the patented “Ricks Café Epcot Challenge” of having a drink in every country and managed fairly well. Do to some diplomatic and ideological problems with some people in our group; we had to skip certain countries.
“Canada sucks donkey cock!” screamed one drunken member of our group, almost causing an international inccidendt and forcing us to move quickly onto the next country.
We made up for the missed country by having an extra drink in the following country.
All–in-all, I’m calling it a “win”.
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