2004-12-17 - 4:37 p.m.
1. I am told by others, that when I am doing a difficult task, I stick my tongue out.
2. I always hated school. I was a very good student but loathed the class room environment.
3. I married my high school sweetheart. We dated for 7 years
4. I divorced my high school sweetheart after 12 months.
5. I proposed to my 2nd wife after knowing her 7 months
6. We have been married 5 years.
7. I have a stash of porn mags in the closet. My wife bought them for me.
8. I talk to myself constantly
9. I took guitar lessons for a year. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm or an once of musical talent.
10. I even loose the beat when clapping my hands.
11. I took 4 years of French, but couldn’t utter a coherent French statement if my life depended on it.
12. I broke my collar bone in 4th grade when a fat kid jumped on me during a backyard football game.
13. Due to a paintball accident I have trauma induce cataracts in one eye. At night many things look blurry, not unlike a Van gogh painting.
14. I try not to drive too much at night, on unlit, unfamiliar roads.
15. Before my eye accident I was an excellent marksman and loved to shoot.
16. I have been driving for 24 years
17. I have owned 13 cars
18. My first car was silver 1976 Pontiac Astra. It was a piece of shit.
19. My current car is a 2003 Rav 4
20. I wish I had a Jeep Renegade.
21. I wanted to be an Airborne Ranger
22. I wanted to live a life of danger.
23. I did neither.
24. I once licked a panel from Monet’s Water Lilies.
25. I have the autographed photos of every actor who has played James Bond
26. I have urinated in the Grand Canyon
27. I would like to spend a weekend in Tijuana
28. I would like to spend a week in Bangkok
29. I don’t think I could afford the Penicillin shots afterwards.
30. I would like to go to the South Pacific and visit Fiji
31. Or maybe even Bora-Bora.
32. I once dated a high priced escort for 3 months.
33. I didn’t know she was an escort.
34. She had “issues”
35. I have been asked from my autograph twice in my life by complete strangers
36. Once was when I was clubbing with my very eccentric friend Colin.
37. The other time was at a very expensive restaurant with the high priced escort on my arm.
38. I once had to accept food from a food bank
39. I never told anyone that.
40. I have been with a post op transsexual
41. I didn’t know until afterwards.
42. I never told anyone that either
43. Her boobs felt very strange.
44. I’m cool with it. She looked like a Barbie doll.
45. When I was 16 and working a Burger King I lost my virginity on my bosses desk to a girl I didn’t know.
46. Insert your own “Home of the Whopper” joke here.
47. I learned to downhill ski when I was 33.
48. Despite repeated attempts from friends to teach me, I cannot water ski.
49. I always wanted to Skydive
50. I wear glasses
51. I have never lived outside of Massachusetts
52. I learned to 2 Step at the Mid-Night Rodeo in New Mexico
53. I was raised Catholic
54. I converted to Judaism 7 years ago
55. My Hebrew name is Caleb
56. My Favorite toy as a kid was the Marx Shooting Gallery
57. Did I mention I smoke?
58. I have been hypnotized on stage (not for smoking) twice in my life.
59. While hypnotized, I supported a 185lb man standing on my back as I lay across 2 chairs. I remember the audience gasping in disbelief.
60. They said you have to be highly intelligent to be hypnotized. I don’t believe it. I think it’s just the opposite.
61. Gullible is not an actual word and is not listed in Webster’s dictionary
62. I wandered the Florida Keys for 4 days with my friend Steve. Our only Provisions were $40 dollars, a rental car, 4 cases of beer and a tube of toothpaste and a fishing pole...
63. I have been white water rafting.
64. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the words greatest snack food.
65. I think Batman could kick Spiderman’s ass.
66. I was once challenged to get an entire restaurant full of people at Boston’s Fanueil Hall to sing “Frosty the Snowman” .I won.
67. I believe everyone wears an invisible sign that says “Please Notice Me”
68. Quiet, non talkative people make me nervous. Say something, damnit!
69. I have passionatley kissed a stranger in a restaurant for no reason.
70. She liked it and reciprocated.
71. My wife’s friend saw me.
72. She didn’t say anything to my wife, but did I feel guilty
73. Hogan’s Heroes is one of my all time favorite shows.
74. I have blonde hair
75. I hate Relativity TV
76. I have flown first class
77. I am impulsive and like to indulge myself.
78. Thank god my wife handles the books
79. I drink 3 cups of coffee a day before 9:30
80. I once jumped the ropes and sat in a $6 million Duisenberg Roadster. The owner was very cool about it. Nervous, but cool.
81. As a child, I used to “bug” my sisters room with a hidden microphones I made from an electronics kit.
82. The FBI and several other government agencies know all about me
83. I once stood next to Daryl Hannah in a New York Pet store
84. I rode the elevator once with Peter Faulk
85. And also met Tony Shaloub.
86. The 1940’s pin model Bettie Page is one of the sexiest women I have ever seen.
87. I set the record in 10th grade for the most pull ups.
88. My favorite food is meatloaf
89. Or a properly cooked Filet Mignon
90. In the summer, I make my own Mint Juleps and like them a bit too much
91. I have camped out under the stars and cooked food on rocks
92. I have gotten ill from camping out under the stars and eating food off of rocks.
93. I turned 40 this year and wonder if my life is half over.
94. I first got drunk in the 8th grade
95. I was trying to impress a girl by being cool
96. I am a big puppy dog around women that I find attractive.
97. I once owned a metal detector. My friends told me they would disown me for being a dweeb if I didn’t get rid of it.
98. Growing up, I wanted to be an Archeologist.
99. To my mother’s horror and my 5 yr olds nephews amusement I once shot a roman candle out my butt on the 4th of July while singing “God Bless America” Mint Juleps were involved.
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