2004-12-15 - 3:55 p.m.
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I am still bidding on a Slot machine on e-bay.
I know this is wrong. But yet, I feel it is…my destiny. I lost the bid on the first one. Which I really didn’t want anyway. Meh. It had a NASCAR logo on it, to appease my lovely wife and her redneck obsession.
But now that I have her half on board with the whole, “Don’t you just hafta have a slot machine thing” I’ll go for the one I really want. I don’t know what I will tell her if I actually get this. I don’t want to think about it. I’ll make something up on the spot when it arrives at our doorstep. I do some of my best work under pressure.
I know it’s a colossal waste of money, but I must have it. I am not sure what comes over me. Honestly. It’s kinda like how porn, strippers, meatloaf, boobies and certain illegal substances completely consume my thought process and the next thing I know I am broke, have a bad headache and am left with the awful reality staring blankly in my face. Sometimes I even have stripper dust on my face.
More often than not, thinking about it is usually a more enjoyable than the cold reality of it all. Good lord, am I’m masturbating about a slot machine? I need a hobby.
I’m a little bit compulsive. (I’m a little bit rock & roll.)
I am an advertiser’s wet dream.
To this day, I buy happy meals just to get the prize. Sometimes my wife and I fight over the prize. “Get your own damm fucking happy meal, bitch.” Is what I usually tell her. Yea, that’s exactly what I tell her. Uh-huh.
I’d crawl up Richard Gere’s butt if I knew there was a cool prize up there. Um. No. Sorry. Strike the last sentence. Let’s amend that to say, I’d crawl up Lindsay Lohans butt, Prize or no prize.
Anyhow, I am feeling much better than I did this morning. It’s amazing at what staring blankly at a computer screen for 6 hours will do for a hang over.
My wife is working late again, so I have a feeling we’ll be doing take out for dinner. She’ll suggest Chinese, because she doesn’t really like Chinese food, and I love it. She knows I only go so I can pound down the Mai-Tais. So she’ll suggest Chinese, thinking there is no way in hell I would want a mai tai after last night. Well I’ll show her. Ha!
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