2004-12-08 - 2:26 p.m.
Since the always lovely twobaddogs basically called me a pompous ass in my last entry, and work being so incredibly boring (never have I been paid so much to do so little) I’ve decided to update…
To fill these voids at work I’ve got several, standard time wasters. EBay is by far, the leader of time (and money) wasters.
Every once and a while, completely out of the blue, I will get something in my head that I abso-fucking-lutely must have. Thankfully, most of the time I am outbid and don’t have to pony up for the latest piece of crap I convinced myself I could not live without.
Today’s stupid bid is on a slot machine. Why the fuck do I need a slot machine? I dunno. But unless some other idiot gets it into his fat head that he must have this exact same slot machine, I will be the proud owner of a honest to goodness casino slot machine. My lovely wife will hate me. My only hope is that I convince her that I am half American Indian and will be opening up a casino.
We’ll be the only Jewish Indian casino around. I think I’ll call it “Oy-Veygas”
Last week I felt the over whelming urge to own a bottle of Hai Karate! Aftershave. Why? I dunno. I was willing to pay over $50 for that crap. Somebody slap me. Thank god some one else outbid me.
Yes. I am an idiot.
Thank god there are bigger idoits out there.
A few weeks ago, while pretending to pay attention in a meeting, a little deranged voice in my head told me I needed to find one of those Polaris Nuclear Subs that were advertised in the back of the 1970’s comic books. Why? I dunno. I fondly remember the ad telling me it was over 7 feet long, made out of a durable material that could support 200lbs (Cardboard) This bad boy shot missiles, had a working periscope, and other doo-dads that would give any 7 year old boy an errection. I spent several hours searching for one on the net. No dice. I think at the time, given the weird frame of mind I was in, I would have spent several hundred dollars for it.
I need to be in a 12 step program.
I think there is a guardian angel over my shoulder that keeps me from getting this crap. Thank you mysterious angel. Without you I would be broke, divorced and sitting on the curb in a pile of retro crap.
I want congress to propose a 7 day waiting period on all eBay bids. Or perhaps a little pop up warning when ever you try to bid on something it would smack you back to reality with “Don’t you think you should call your wife before bidding $400.00 on a Steve Austin Bionic Man doll Action figure? “
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