2004-12-07 - 11:01 a.m.
Tonight is the first night of Chanukah. (pronounced: Chaaa-New-Kah” for all you godless heathens out there). It’s the festival of lights. For the next eight nights we remember and celebrate the miracle of the oil that burned for 8 nights.
I was raised Catholic. I converted to Judaism 6 years ago. Call me Caleb.
In my early 30’s for some reason, it seems all the women I dated were Jewish. (Plus one ex-Jehovah’s witness). I don’t know why I dated so many Jewish women (5?). It just worked out that way. I explored a lot with my religious beliefs, and asked myself some serious questions. I explored translation issues, questions on certain ceremonies, asked what and why. I was planning on converting well before I met and married my Jewish wife.
I’ve got gifts for my wife for each night. We wanted to keep the budget low since we’ve had an expensive year and have some big things coming up. That’s hard to do when every night for the next 8 nights you give a gift.
I also have a hard time “organizing” the gifts. Some nights, I’ll give my wife one gift, other nights, depending on how much I spent and such; I’ll give her a couple. I always screw it up by giving her the wrong gift, or wanting to see her smile I deviate from the plan and let her open up several in one night, which leaves me short and I am forced to go out to the malls and find additional gifts for the remaining nights.
Here’s what my wife will get, (assuming I give her the correct packages. Last year she unwrapped a toy for the cat. She wasn’t too thrilled)
Dreidel serving tray, w/matching dreidal cheese spreaders
18k gold dreidal earrings.
1lb Godiva chocolates with a dreidal wrapped in the bow.
Huh, it’s dreidal night and I didn’t even plan it that way. It’s almost looks like I know what I am doing.
Happy Chanukah everyone!
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Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights
When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah
Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew
You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish
Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah
O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby
Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is
Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
On this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah
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