2004-11-16 - 9:36 a.m.
My lovely wife and I managed to survive the party thrown by Uncle McScrooge. Originally I mentioned it was a birthday party for his grandson, but actually it was a Bar Mitzvah. I have no clue why I said birthday in my original posting. Meh. I’m calling it artistic license. Move on.
The Bar Mitzvah was a 3 day affair that put all of our collective weddings to shame. My wife and I dodged the first day and arrived the second day for the party. We managed not to embarrass ourselves too much and get what ever butt kissing in that we could. Basically our plan was not to get too drunk, give the funny looking kid a big fucking check and laugh at all Uncle McScrooge’s jokes and get the hell out.
For the most part it worked. Although I wish I didn’t write the man-boob bleeding scrotum entry the other day. For the entire weekend every time I saw my wife’s uncle that was all I could think of. Yes, even through his tux, I could see those man boobs jiggling around. Shudder.
All in all I’m calling the weekend a win. I didn’t piss anyone off, and I got free drinks and food. Although, I did spend the majority of the evening out on the patio smoking parliaments with a bunch of other people from a different party that was being held at the function hall. Hey, Congratulations Aunt Sarah on your retirement. You got some cool kids that think the world of you.
My super duper leaf sucking rake thing-a-ma-bob arrived last week. Despite the fact that I have a whole garage stuffed with every tool known to man, I’m really not all that mechanically inclined. Oh sure, I’m pretty good with spackle. I could build a whole house out of that shit, but other than that, I admit, I’m pretty much useless.
Knowing my mechanical limitations, as well as my short attention span, I called my dad to help put this thing together. Dad is a retired Mechanical Engineer and could build a friggin air craft carrier out of duct tape and spackle. He amazes me.
My dad and I divided up the work (I was in charge of getting pizza, he did everything else) and we got the thing together in about 2 hours. It works great. The pizza was very good.
I was out sucking up leaves and driving the thing off cliffs all afternoon. I got about ½ the yard done before it got too dark to drive the lawn tractor around. I was hoping to finish up the yard this weekend, but we got 6” of snow the other day and I’m not sure it will be gone by Saturday.
Friggin snow already. Arrrrgh.
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